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astral guru 

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i was born in a pumpkin patch 

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a museum of priceless & useless emotions 

Does anyone do what they say any more?
I am so saturated with this, i could explode. I see that i can go two ways with it--either i can become harder and harder and not trust anyone, assume they're all bullshitters and have to test every single new person i meet because i have been let down so many times, or i can refuse to be affected by it and just focus inward to make sure that i am following through with my word and keeping my promises. Either way, i end up alone, but at least with the s... read more
Wed, December 14, 2005 - 11:24 AM permalink - 12 comments
After an intensive, fruitful workweek and a difficult exchange with Justin, I got the sudden inspiration to get the hell out of town just for a day. Although Ruby is getting her canines and is sick AGAIN (every other week now!) I decided that it would be good for the kids to go on a little vacation. In 13 years of living in Seattle, i'd never been to Whidbey Island, so that is where i decided to go. My car can't handle a major road trip and my bank account can't handle more than one day in a ... read more
Sat, December 10, 2005 - 6:01 PM permalink - 5 comments
Whew. That was a rough ride for a few days. I need to seriously power up on the right vitamins and herbs to prevent such a deep chasm from forming between me and my Self right before my Moon Time. Looking back on it i can see that i lapsed into some of the old parts of me that i thought were gone for good. I am ashamed that i could not see it for what it was and i acted irrationally. It was most unfortunate that i had to unexpectedly meet Justin's girlfriend for the first time on the worst da... read more
Wed, December 7, 2005 - 12:49 AM permalink - 6 comments
i recognize this space all too well. It's the PMS slide. I'm slipping downhill fast and there's nothing to grab onto. The dark moon makes the slope that much slicker, the abyss that much closer, my will that much weaker to resist sinking into it.

a long walk in the snowy night helped in some ways. For a while i was able to stop thinking about what is hurting me so badly right now. It has to do with Justin, who is now speaking to me and we have been getting along fine. Since i am able to ta... read more
Fri, December 2, 2005 - 12:40 AM permalink - 4 comments
diet or Dagwood sandwich?
meditation or wine?
30 minutes of brisk walking or driving across the street to the store?
clean the house or fuck it?
Aikido or Cindy Crawford workout tape?
find a magazine to write for or start my own?
work or play slot machines?
get a decent night's sleep or stay up half the night playing with myself?
make that dental appointment or let my teeth rot and fall out?
keep going or quit while i'm ahead?
i'll never be ahead.
i'll always be right here,
to th... read more
Wed, November 30, 2005 - 1:29 AM permalink - 3 comments
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offline 187 friends
joined on 03/04/04
last updated 12/03/05
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Bigmouth Strikes Again 

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