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Fri August 03, 2007
YouTube Video Actress Katee Sackoff on Jimmy Kimmel. Legs. Cleavage. Drool (39)
(WFTS) Dumbass Simon Cowell planning an "American Idol" inspired movie, compares it to "Rocky." This should end well (16)
(Cinematical) Obvious Bob Hoskins hated making Super Mario Brothers almost as much as you hated watching it (27)
(Some RIAA Hater) Satire RIAA sues man for humming own copyrighted song (12)
ABC News Cool Lost Van Gogh found under another painting. Thomas Crown lights another cigar (61)
Aint-It-Cool-News Amusing A review for Bratz: The Movie saluting child molesters everywhere for their contributions to our society (35)
USA Today Amusing The several week lead time needed to get magazines to the newsstand can lead to some unintentional hilarity. For example check out Elle's interview with Lindsay Lohan in between her rehab stay and DUI (67)
(Dose) Spiffy Dose credits Fark for banishing the Spice Girls to Baghdad (128)
Gawker Asinine Weezer's Rivers Cuomo may have memoirs released. Now fans will finally get to find out "May 1998, I've decided to ruin this band" (39)
Network World Cool Bada Bing: You can have Tony Soprano’s Suburban (14)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Sam Raimi may direct "Clash of the Titans" remake. Fan campaign to get Bruce Campbell to play Perseus begins (49)
Yahoo Sad Bruce Willis and his "blues band" play Kennedy Space Center. And NASA wonders why we don't take it seriously anymore (21)
(Some Latino) Cool Leaked footage of the Batpod in action from the upcoming movie. DO WANT (58)
Yahoo Asinine Hollywood is full of ideas, but apparently they're all "Let's remake 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' again" (33)
(Some Guy) Boobies Looking to expand her 'dirty old man' fanbase, Avril Lavigne gets a boob job (76) Weird Hollywood takes a third shot at trying to make a marketable movie about clowns and gas chambers (85)
Yahoo Weird Marilyn Manson sued by former keyboard player. Suit alleges Manson spent the claimants share of money on Hitler memorabilia and an intact 4 y/o girl's skeleton. Manson responds that suit is preposterous; the skeleton is a boy, not a girl (41)
Chicago Tribune Obvious Mares eat oats and does eat oats and toddy Brits say "Blimey" (43)
SFGate Dumbass Mom Of The Year Britney Spears attempts to have 22-month-old son's teeth cosmetically whitened, only to be refused on health grounds (60)
The Sun Amusing George Clooney and Matt Damon wore extra-large shoes when their footprints were immortalized in Walk Of Fame because concrete shrinks and people would talk (21)
G4TV Cool G4TV to premiere "Spaceballs: The Animated Series" this fall. May the Schwartz be with you (47)
The Sun Interesting Star of BBC show "Jekyll" may be the next Doctor Who. Fans Hyde in protest (47)

Thu August 02, 2007
(Metro UK) Obvious Brad Pitt finally realizes that Angelina's hotness is no match for her batshiat craziness (70)
(WFTS) Spiffy Apparently Chris O'Donnell has done at least one thing since Batman (34)
CSMonitor Cool Bourne in the USA. He is, Bourne in the USA. A movie that doesn't suck opens this weekend (55)
(Some Guy) Amusing Landmark Scientology milestone: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to get naked (41)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Roger Ebert lashes out at Clive Barker's assertion that video games can be art. "Spoken with the maturity of an honest and articulate four-year-old" (114)
Daily Mail Cool J. Lo.'s boobs have gotten bigger (54)
(Some Hilton Hater) Stupid Paris Hilton focuses her wonky eye of doom on her adversaries as she prepares to unleash her unholy four-legged army of darkness (24)
Starpulse Obvious Australia claims Nicole Richie's baby since she conceived it Down Under (28)
AZCentral Unlikely Pamela Anderson claims she was tricked into making the infamous Pam & Tommy sex tape with the old "there's no film in the camera, really" trick (20)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) Followup Dog the Bounty Hunter will not be sent back to PMITA Mexican prison. In other news, Dog the Bounty Hunter has his own personal sweat dabber when signing books in an air conditioned mall (28)
Starpulse Spiffy Stevie Wonder planning a U.S. tour. No one saw that one coming (28)
(CHUD) Spiffy "Mad Max" director tapped for new "Justice League" movie, featuring Superman, Batman, The Flash, Aquaman and Jon Stewart (109)
WNBC Interesting Want to see how some of your favorite beautiful actresses have aged over the years? Well here they are anyway... (with too many pics) (396)
Starpulse Amusing Keith Richards figures he's got about 87 years left to marinate (10)
CNN Amusing You know you're a pussy when Rod Stewart's son beats you up (11) Obvious Hilary Duff volunteers her time at soup kitchen. Homeless reluctant to accept food from her, as they believe she could use a hot meal more than they (55)
(International Herald Tribune) Amusing Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has a new BFF, Sean Penn. They recently spoke on the phone, and will soon meet for a sleepover and to make s'mores (122)
(tPC) Dumbass Drunken David Blaine uses simple card trick to avoid nightclub ejection after making other people's drinks disappear (24)
NYPost Amusing Professor whose wife left him for Ted Turner writes in email to colleagues: "It is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers" (124)
LA Times Stupid As soon as your little girl grows out of her Disney Princess clothing, Hugh Hefner has a line of Playboy clothing for the youth market you may be interested in (30)
Yahoo Sad Dave Matthews and John Mayer to play VA Tech concert. Hokies wonder when their suffering will end (66)
( Wheaton Wil Wheaton reviews Comic-Con. Geeks rejoice (70)

Wed August 01, 2007
(Some Guy) Cool Catherine Zeta Jones looking to get naked (50)
National Review Scary Think you've seen some ridiculous articles on NRO? I defy you to find one more mind-numbingly, jaw-droppingly stupid as this. If you can get to the end without shaking your head in utter, astonished disbelief, you're a better man than I (184)
Yahoo Misc Chinese government bans "Rush Hour 3." Sometimes an oppressive regime acts in the best interests of the people (25)
Slate Amusing Christian rock was started by a gay guy who died of AIDS in the early Nineties (68)
(Evil Beet) Cool Sara Gilbert (the smartass daughter on "Roseanne") is still alive, pregnant and a lesbian (68)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Disney to remake "Snow White." Bonus: It will be 19th century Hong Kong epic. "Once she finds out she is destined to defeat something sinister, she is trained by seven Shaolin monks to do battle against the forces of evil" (93)
ABC News Obvious You're watching "The View." Now with 25% more Whoopi (35)
YouTube Video LOST Season Four Preview - The Orchid Orientation Film clip. Contains some cussing, just in case you're at work (81)
Yahoo Interesting Keith Richards writing his memoirs. Will be translated from his native mumble language, detail his Revolutionary War service, and contain general weirdness (61)
SFGate Interesting QI's "The Book of General Ignorance" is about to hit the USA. Q: Who is America named after? A: Richard Ameryk of Wales, not Amerigo Vespucci (44)
Aint-It-Cool-News Cool Brand new "Star Trek" episode coming out 8/23 featuring Sulu, who came out last year (48)
Yahoo Obvious K-Fed says he's focusing on parenting, which is easy when you have no career to mess with that focus (30)
Forbes Misc Former "Amercan Idol" contestant -- the one who said he farked Paula Abdul -- arrested on drug charges and outstanding warrant. Everyone who's surprised signify by standing on your heads (7)
(Heavy Metal News) Amusing Problem: Advice columnists are boring. Solution: Hire Oderus Urungus of GWAR to give powerful advice to the young emo kids (56)
iWon Interesting For 30th anniversay of Elvis' death, Graceland to get overhaul. First step: Removing washer and dryer from front porch (20)
(Some Guy) Interesting Sir Michael Caine to release a "chill-out album." Why not go the whole hog and release your own range of glow sticks and whistles (14)
The Onion Obvious There's a crossroads in every comic actor's career in which he can make interesting choices or coast on reputation to make bland crap. With Alvin and the Chipmunks and Underdog, this summer is Jason Lee's coasting point (43)
(CBS) Scary CBS comes up with a totally original, groundbreaking TV show concept: 40 children, ages 8-15, running a town with no adults for 40 days. What could possibly go wrong? (223)
MSNBC Dumbass Pulling ahead of Lindsay Lohan in the crazy contest, Britney Spears threatens to kill a paparazzi (55)
Yahoo Unlikely "We saw many actresses for the role, and Paris sang it better than all of them" (25)
(Some Guy) Sad Farkers everywhere will have to wait for Jessica Simpson's career to go completely the way of the Britney for her to show off her ginormous sweater puppies (16)
(Cinematical) Audio Hear Kevin Smith talk at ComicCon. (Not safe for work) (12)

Tue July 31, 2007
CBS Sacramento Scary Nicole Richie confirms she's pregnant. She'll now be eating for one (35)
Canoe Obvious Another day, another man dumped by Jennifer Aniston (28)
(First episode of) Hero ES: Origins to be written and directed by Kevin Smith (36)
(Some Guy) Silly Comic-Con photo gallery. Photo #4 may confuse and disturb you (49)
Starpulse Obvious Paris Hilton drops her panties to out-do Lindsay Lohan. We know she accomplished this feat before Lindsay even stopped wearing them (42)
( Boobies Cindy Crawford Topless (Not safe for work) (6)
(E!Online) Dumbass Jenna Elfman wins latest installment of Stupid Celebrity Baby Names (62)
(/film) Stupid MPAA attempting to shut down "Red Band" movie trailers - not that anyone remembers R-rated trailers anymore (34)
SLTrib Amusing Gary Coleman cited for disorderly conduct in Utah. In other news, Gary Coleman lives in Utah? (82)
Fox News Followup Turns out Paris will get her grampa's billion$$ after all. Followup tag turns to yesterday's Hero tag, smirks, says "That's hot." (144)
(KMTR) Amusing "Little People, Big World" star arrested on DUI charge. Submitter tried to write a joke about this but came up short (40)
SMH Obvious Kevin Costner's "Waterworld:" Sci-fi classic, or worst movie of all time? (108)
Yahoo Interesting Eddie Murphy proposes to girlfriend. Pregnancy announcement expected soon (17)
Slate Amusing It's official: Shark Week has... well... you know. I'm Arthur Fonzarelli, and I approved this headline (122)
(Newsradio WTAM 1100) Dumbass Former Playmate arrested twice in one month, now has more mugshots than centerfolds (25)
(some guy) Dumbass Pint-sized television personality drinks a few too many pints and gets a DUI (24)
(Some Guy) Cool Samwise, Pennywise, Saruman, and Count Duckula join forces for a miniseries based off Terry Pratchett's "The Colour of Magic" (33)
ABC News Amusing 90210 "Where are they now?" He's okay, she's crazy, WHOA WTF happened to Jeannie Garth? (67)
Daily Mail Obvious Britney Spears is officially single again. Line starts ... Hey, where did everybody go? (175)
(New Line Cinema) Amusing Surrender to the opportunity to win a trip to Paris. (Sponsored Link) (50)
(People) Stupid Rosie O'Donnell likes Paula Abdul about as much as she likes hetero men and low-fat ice cream (28)
(Some Sad Truth) Followup That story about Scarlett Johansson playing Jenna Jameson? Yea, not so much (29)
(tPC) Spiffy Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are so yesterday, David & Victoria Beckham are the new "Brangelina" (39)
(Central Scrutinizer) Spiffy Berlin renames street for Frank Zappa. Entire street will now be designated for loading and unloading (36)
(NY Daily News) Spiffy E! cancels "The Simple Life." That's so not hot (20)
Starpulse Obvious Studio bosses nix plans for "'The Godfather Part IV" because of budget issues. By "budget issues" they must mean "because 'The Godfather Part III' sucked ass" (60)
Yahoo Sad Filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni is dead at age 94, On further inspection, after blowing up the photos, he may have been murdered. Somewhere, mimes are playing tennis (23)
AP Strange Major Bollywood Movie star convicted of weapons charges and sentenced to six years in jail, broke down and wept in the courtroom, but then immediately transitioned into a peppy song and dance number (66)
(Some Guy) Cool Orange County Choppers' Paul Sr. rides into matrimony (with sleeveless-tux wedding photo) (42)
IMDB Asinine "We've substituted Cuba Gooding Jr. for Eddie Murphy. Let's see if anyone notices." (45)
(TMZ) Followup That story about Paris Hilton losing her inheritance? Yea, not so much (32)

Mon July 30, 2007
Arizona Star Cool Chef Anthony Bourdain vows not to host crappy reality TV show a la Gordon Ramsay (45)
(KXMB) Asinine HBO is saying that they may not make the two movies they promised fans to wrap up "Deadwood." Those [expletive deleted] filthy [expletive deleted] suckers (78)
(People) Cool Actress Jenna Elfman gives birth to a healthy operating thetan (21)
(Digital Spy) Amusing Cancelled in the US due to massive suckitude, "Studio 60" goes to the UK and attracts less audience than shows on snooker and crocheting (48)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Lindsay’s career is going down faster than Paris Hilton on a Saturday night … Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night (33)
Charlotte Ironic In an attempt to clean up its image, pro-wrestling turns to Pacman Jones for help (22)
(Broadcasting and Cable) Sad Network's version of a comedy cockpunch has terminally unfunny Jimmy Fallon replacing Conan O'Brien (66)
Yahoo Amusing Former PM Pierre Trudeau comes in #1 in a poll to find the "Worst Canadian Ever," beating out Paul Bernado, Karla Homolka, and more shockingly - Celine Dion (61)
(Some Guy) Scary Stephen King master adapter Frank Darabont gears up for "The Long Walk" (68)
( Obvious Disciplined Britney Spears adheres to her strict daily meltdown schedule. This time a pole dance is involved (23)
Newsweek Misc Actress, mathematician, and total hottie Danica McKellar wants everybody to know that Math Doesn't suck (46)
(Some Guy) Obvious "You don't go grabbin' somebody else's, somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful." (23)
(Bitten and Bound) Scary Jamie Presley has stolen Britney Spears' stylist (w/cringe-inducing pic) (39)
Starpulse Ironic Charlie Sheen offers up marriage tips and advice. Step 1: Stay away from Heidi Fleiss (4)
(Asbury Park Press) Cool Kevin Smith running out of ideas. Next film will be called "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" (34)
Starpulse Dumbass Jessica Simpson turned down role of porn star in upcoming movie that would "guarantee her an Oscar" Uh huh (41)
(tPC) Followup Kimberly Stewart denies Tommy Lee boinking reports (9)
LA Times Obvious Linkin Park has this time chosen darkness over rage, gloom over volume, goth over rap-metal, total suckage over good music (51)
( Sad Marvin Zindler, whose reporting inspired the Broadway musical and movie "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas," has gone to the great newsroom in the sky (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting The 25 most influential punk bands (with video goodness) (218)
Starpulse Amusing Joe Pesci to wed supermodel Angie Everhart. Yes, that's Joe Pesci to wed supermodel Angie Everhart. What do you mean that's funny? How is that funny? (50)
Daily Mail Cool Kelly Osbourne has slimmed down to star in Chicago. (With pics of her looking pretty smoking hot) (85)
Rotten Tomatoes Interesting Because just settling for one movie at a time is harder than it looks, six more Narnia movies are in the works. Submitter still looking foward to Rocky XII, Terminator 5, and Weekend at Bernies 3 (34)
LA Times Amusing Another movie list that 95% of Farkers will take offense with. But feel free to use the FAIL meme, as the LA Times already started us off (76)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Joss Whedon gets back to being Joss Whedon, announces new "Buffy" spinoff movie. Also considers "Firefly" straight-to-DVD flicks, after finishing his ballet (39)
Starpulse Spiffy Hide the kittens. Scarlett Johansson picked to play Jenna Jameson in biopic (87)
CNN Sad Director Ingmar Bergman, 89, loses final game of chess (46)
Fox News Sad Legendary late-night broadcast pioneer Tom Snyder dead at 71. Fire up a colortini in remembrance (136)
Reuters Obvious Record labels eye online social networks as way to sell more music. In related news, have you heard the new Nickelback single? It ROCKS (31)
SFGate Stupid Nic Cage and son unveil new comic book, complete with title stolen from Jimi Hendrix and plot stolen from the Hurricane Katrina story. Should be a big box of suck (24) Amusing Richard Branson describes his mile-high club initiation, taking Viagra, ecstasy, cocaine and rolling joints with Keith Richards (12)
( Misc Not to be outdone by Steve Martin's marriage, Eddie Murphy gets engaged (12)
Retrocrush Strange Freaks, Geeks, and Toys from San Diego Comic-Con (15)
( Interesting Bruce Willis' daughter caught up in police drug bust. In other news, Bruce Willis' daughter looks like Jennifer Tilly (68)

Sun July 29, 2007 Cool "Colbert Report" to release best-of highlights on DVD. Will contain over 250 episodes on 40 DVDs (33)
(My Fox Colorado) Interesting Reports from Denver indicate that Godfather of Metal Ozzy Osbourne underwent surgery at a local hospital Saturday night. Ozzy's only comment at discharge: "Mfmmdstle is grsllmt besjridds, Cheers mte" (19)
Yahoo Cool Matt Groening confirms that the world will end before the Simpsons do. In other news, season 78 starts next month (54)
( Video I've got to say she looked pretty damn good and if it doesn't give you chills to see her and Ford back in character after all these years, then buster, you've got a heart of coal (46)
(Some Guy) Obvious Simpsons movie takes number one at weekend box office despite your thoughtful 8,000 word blog post about how it is the Worst. Movie. EVAR (56)
(Some Guy) Cool Iron Man Trailer From Comic Con (106)
NYPost Cool Steve Martin gets married, receives a Thermos as a wedding gift. And that's ALL he needs ... and this chair (189)
IMDB Wheaton Happy birthday and welcome to the 35-44 age bracket, Wil (271)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Edward Norton rewrote "Incredible Hulk" script to link to other Marvel Comics franchises. "I was a Marvel kid" (47)
CNN Scary I wanna Rock and Roll all night, and have arrhythmia every day (40)
Fox News Ironic Karma stops and catches its breath after 18 year pursuit; imprisoned stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer recovering from 11 stab wounds (119)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious "I Know Who Killed Me" sucks harder than (insert Lindsay Lohan joke here) (58)
(TV Squad) Cool Good news, everyone: New Futurama movie to be released November 27th (69)
Telegraph Cool Latest status symbol for Hollywood stars? Dinosaur skulls (15)

Sat July 28, 2007
MSNBC Amusing "USHER'S WEDDING HAS BEEN CANCELLED," reports his publicist, "but please respect his privacy." (35)
The Scotsman Scary Stalker ordered to stay away from JK Rowling and stop sending her threatening mail. Ministry of Magic gives her greenlight to use dreaded Lawyerus curse if the bad behavior continues (17) Interesting What might become the biggest film of 2008 isn't even known by name, because everybody involved is under an ironclad gag order (113)
(Online Casino News) Stupid Golden Palace pays $1000 for a piece of Paris Hilton's dental floss, not realizing that hazardous waste disposal of the same item will end up costing them over $15,000 (12)
(Post Chronicle) Strange Art critic accuses Italian sculptor of using molds of female breasts rather than the real thing. Art world stunned that there's an artist in existence that can't get a naked woman at the drop of a hat (6)
( Cool "Shawshank Redemption" and "Green Mile" director says his latest Stephen King adaptation will be "hard-R," with "brutal death scenes and lots of blood" (38)

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